I was showing my boyfriend some pictures of nice clothes from a Taiwanese blog shop (Queen Shop) and getting all enthusiatic about actually purchasing them. Then my boyfriend suggested that we go to Taiwan next month, and asked if it's far.
When I told him that it's just beside Japan, he just said "oh".
I want to kick you in the face Karl. Wtf. Stop asking me out, stop texting me, and stop calling me in the middle of the night. Stop asking if you can come to my house, stop asking me to meet up somewhere or go to your place to talk. YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT. No that's not why I hate you. It's because you are such a sleazy freak you got my mobile off the list from work. It's because you give me the creeps and I have zero tolerance for creeps.
I wish people like you would stop giving me attention. I don't want any of it. Give your free time to my boyfriend and ask him to call me now.
Dammit.
I'm cheering up gradually. I've cheered up. I'm cheerful...?
Whatever.
I'm just a cheerful mess. Geddit?
Let me be the boy. I'd beat you at your own games (though you hardly play any), I think it's easier to be a good boyfriend than to be a good girlfriend. So let me wear the pants, I'm sick of feigning grace and apologising for mistakes I haven't made.
I don't know why you realised that you should have been nicer. I was surprised, honestly. To think that men have narrowly escaped the fate of PMS but to have occassional sensitivity in their soul. Thanks for trying, really. It takes two hands to clap and I'm glad we're both trying. (If you can't see that I am then I have to just blatently point it out that, yes, I'm working on everything I could possibly think of). Slimming yoga, (more of slimming gel and absolute failure at diet control), consumption of detox crap, pills and more pills for good skin (which doesn't quite work as immediate as ideal). ETC.
There's not a soul I can relate to, though if there's a chance that they might wanna listen, I don't want to share what they want to hear to glee. People whom I thought were my friends have disappeared, and the people my "friends" have bitched about text me from time to time. It does feel a little like what we see on TV. Except I'm not rich nor beautiful as Blair, but her simple manipulations and reign happen to be what I can handle. Now that I'm done with school, some juniors/rookies/greenhorns are just itching to take over. As if the exams are just a dream, as if such worthless issues should be of their concern. Study hard, I'd like to yell in their face. Don't let these misconceptions mislead you. It takes more than a pretty face to be Queen, and unfortunately she have the pretty face but I have what it takes.
Daddy is not doing so well. When you have a diabetic father who doesn't watch his diet and intake of carbos, you start to worry because he'll have to pop more antibiotics and those what's-it pills for diabetes, and his skin starts to dehydrate, his eyes starts to get blurry and he gets sleepy and tired all the time. I'm so afraid that my Dad will suddenly leave us, so I'm studying my ass off even for subjects I don't need, (well just it case I might need it for a job). I want to be able to pay for his medical fees, I want to be the best student who gets offered a scholarship so that I don't have to pay for uni.
Hence I stop sleeping as much as I used to. So my skin gets as dull as my voice, the days get darker and the deeper I sink into being pretentiously happy. Obviously working day and night doesn't even make the cut. My Dad have to pay for all these instalments, and my mom LOVES reminding me that it's time for me to pay up whatever she forked out for my mobile and internet bills. My Dad is shorter on cash but he's always giving me the dosh. My mom is probably more well off but she's constantly calculative about everything. She dotes on me as well, buys me all the detox juice and shit cos she can't stand seeing my ugly face, but right now I really can't talk about her like she's a saint.
Back to the boyfriend issue. Errr... Forget it. Tomorrow will be a better day. I'll just sit tight and survive on instant noodles and the scrumptious dinner my Dad makes until I get my next pay cheque to get myself a wallet, mobile and iPod. They have chose to go missing, haywire or dysfunctional all at the same time.
Thanks for reading, you must be really concerned, or... simply bored.
I don't have anything to wear on halloween and I didn't go to nice clubs with my friends. Instead I'm stuck at a boring place where the senior staffs make merry, Barbara and I sneaked to the roof top with some beer. Oh we had to buy our own beer because the office was still running and there weren't even wine. We scattered candy corns all over the floor and played hop scotch. It was very fun until her girlfriend came abrubtly to send us home. I think she's very creepy, the girlfriend. Whatever her name is.
~
My boyfriend is busy with his football match and the reception is very poor. I hardly recieve his text and suddenly there will be a flood of about 20 smses. When I don't hear from him I'll feel so alone. Note the difference between feeling lonely and alone. Since I always am nearly alone.
I love the cheesecake from Hilton last night. I heard that Hilton have the best cheesecake and so far it's very true.
~
Back to spring cleaning. It takes my mind off things that shouldn't be bothering me.
Today, you turned into a total stranger.
I don't like it at all.
It WAS 230 in the morning. My boyfriend called to remind me to go to bed. I used to indulge myself in the way he treats me like a child, much thanks to the lack of maternal care and a mishandled childhood, but lately, only lately have I realised how unrealiable I come across others when their jaws gaped at the way we establish a conversation. It's very clear that I'm an absolute childish brat who loses her wallet and whines all night to the boyfriend, who then offers to buy me a nice wallet (in his context of nice, it could be Burberry or even Prada) which I hastily accepts with armadillo skin, but have to clarify that I only intend to choose a wallet of my own affordable price range, nothing fancy. With
that, I continued to sulk and rant about the way life gets so dark
sometimes, maybe even fabricating some misfortunes in my mind to make
myself appear more miserable. Bless the kind soul who then tries harder to cheer me up with all
sorts of brilliance, for example his plans to be here next month (which
made me wanna cry because my skin, though not literally as course as armadillos,
have been inflamed by an outburst of signs of stress and an unhealthy
diet), and us spending so much more time together next year (discreet
plans).
It's disgusting to others but as the narrator of the truest love, I declare under oath that it's harder to find someone who loves you unconditionally than to make sea salt turn into sugar. As long as you're sure you've found that person, I think you'd rather heed my advice of appreciating your gem if you haven't started, than to even try obtaining salt from the sea.
Miss you, A. Come home soon.
I think it's easier to wait for it to happen.
Right, here's what happened recently. I'm trying to detox, lose more weight, achieve radient skin like what we see on adverts, save alot of money and.... clean up my room.
Oh and my bro's fish tank broke. Actually it kinda burst from this tiny crack which we failed to notice. 3 feet fish tank, which is more or less 10 big pails of water soaking your furniture and the poor DVD collection, home stereo system and anything else on the ground. (includes modem, my almost favourite Diesel heels, Ikea cardboard box containing more Dvds and notebooks etc) It took my Dad, bro and I about an hour to clean it all up.
I guess we can count that as a part of spring cleaning. Thank God the tank was still in the 'dechlorinating' stage, all empty and no fishies were harmed during the process.
Hmmm what else... And yeah, I had to go to my Godmother's birthday dinner all alone, it wasn't that awkward, given that I'm not the conversational type, I enjoyed the dinner very much and wished I could induldge myself in that more often
Arata might pop by next month. Oh shit. I look like crap now, horrible skin, unpleasant eating habits, chewed nails, and messy wardrobe. (Oh but I have very nice hair thanks to my mom taking me to proper hair care treatment, she probably couldn't stand the sight of me anymore).
Can't wait. XX
Hey, how did you managed to get yourself to look so awesome over the years? I can't decide if I should give up my roots too, since that's one of the steps you took to become pretty. No wait, we're different. Very different.
There're no rules in your game, while I don't play games and if I do, there will be strict regulations whereby if somebody disregard them, everything screws up. See? We're different.
How else then, can I become pretty? Tell me, tell me, pretty please?