☤

Nope I think you do not understand. I have a writer's soul trapped in a physician-to-be's body, or is it vice-versa? I've had about enough of that 'carpe diem' crap, it only makes maggots writher in my head. So much pressure, all the expectations to live up to. 

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE TO HAVE EXPECTATIONS OF ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Now they whimper and scattered like ants running from a burning nest. You don't get to unplug the joy chord of my life by drenching me in ice water when I change my mind. 

Sorry but I have to get going. Life-changing decisions have to be made and it won't be executed if I sit around playing with little electronic alphabet cubes. Ah life, splendid with sick humor. I've always wanted so much more, but I knew to stop when suicidal thoughts started sowing it's seeds as I slowly realised we can't have it all in life. Not all in one life at least. 

I'd like to try immortality please. Perhaps turning into a vampire or something along that line, even if it means I can no longer be vegetarian. 3 signs showing that I still have a long way to go in life:

1. There's a worn black bra strewn across my bedroom floor, along with the clothes I've worn today hidden somewhere in between underneath my bag and beside my bed.

2. I yawn at 2:20 am, having only slept 5 hours last night and worked 12 hours today, panicking about time running out before I can achieve my goals in life.

3. The are no solid evidence that vampires are immortals which even exist and doesn't look like sun dried human prunes. There aren't even evidence of them living a normal life, which in that case is pointless if I turn into one and live forever since vampires aren't gonna participate in normal human activities.

This, is the temperature of solitude, nicely wrapped in the darkness of your own shadow.
I don't know how I got here. The constant pattern of getting lost scares the hell out of me. Is there really a purpose in life? I took the eerie path home last night, heard some strange noises following on the branches thick with leaves hanging above me. My heart raced. 

And maybe tonight I'll take that path again. I've never felt this kind of thrill before, to be seen as a prey when I'm really the monster. It could be just a racoon, maybe ghost or bird of some sort which doesn't sleep at night. I'll find out, if it hangs above me again tonight trailing along the sea of leaves. I don't know if I want to see it's true face, I'd be scared if it's a ghost. They can do things like possess humans and push you to the road when a truck comes, but humans are capable of that too, really. 

Maybe I am just a very, very dark creature still searching for a glimpse of hope, you might call it salvation, but I'll take my time to decide what exactly it is.  
 

Good morning kids, I hope you don't find out that this world is full of shit.

My new life, new in so many ways. I will never hold the hand of another guy.
Everyday will be spent like any other day of celibacy, well maybe not. Who 
knows right? Maybe Romeo awaits in Chicago, maybe he lives a few streets
away. You wouldn't want someone living in the same building, trust me, it's
just very... unsettling, and creepy.
 
It won't hurt no more, like papa used to shield me from everything, now I'll
just have to toughen up my own skin so as fire droplets rain over me, I will
be just fine. Let's just get over the mishaps, it was a brave mistake. 

Inside of you 
Bay blue 
So say it's you 
To thoughts untrue 

Wordy pages make me wanna skip the page and look away; wordy pages make the lights in the room dim. Just as I thought, it's not as hard to accomplish what's within our own zone of achievables, like trophies within the radius of your arms' reach, you can stand on the same spot and just turn around in circles, your arms like radar scanning the possibilities beneath you, then you reach for it. 

BLUNDER! Oh, evening skies dark as the night. My new classmates are people who came from the Ivy League, and I must confess I have not known such privilidge. None of them play football, they fear that this barbaric sport will crush their multi-million dollar fingers. 

My cat wanders around the corridor, cats have such strange behaviors. Sometimes I could just watch them for hours to amuse myself, and sometimes I think the cat watches me too. The insidious throbs of melody beats in my ear with every heartbeat. Who does this voice belong to? Oh, new school mate. He looks like Clarke Kent. Oopsie daisy, Julien has finally met his match. It's a pity I won't get to stick around to find out more about the intriguing Clarke Kent who plays ukelele under my favourite tree in school. 

Every item I've left behind is every item I wished I could take along. In fact, if I could take this broken old home to Chicago, I would. But of course, without my brother's ugly fish tanks and all the water stains around this home we could do without. I'm so sick of being in this sunny island, so sick of having to explain myself, so sick of having to deal with insignificant issues. I'd rather you all just hate me, it makes goodbye a fair bit easier.

Everyday in Chicago, I will eat Indian food... for at least the rest of the month when I get there. Miss y'all. XOXO

Hello USA.